Rolling Heron's Totally Amazing Blog

Random rants of sillyness

Thunder 27/08/2011

Filed under: Story — Tasha @ 6:26 PM

Teacups in the rain

The thunderclap makes me spring into action.
I sat in my bed, my legs crossed, arms wrapped around myself, thinking of you. The fabric of my sheets felt hard against my bare legs, the mattress dipping under my weight and rustling with every breath I took. And you know how I need to remind myself to breathe, when you take over the space in my head.
The room grew darker in that way it does before a storm, when the sky loses colour, but still you can see the light hiding just out of the line of sight, afraid of the destruction that will come. A golden ray teases you, beckons you to look for it, but no matter how you try, it will never be found.
The windowpane shakes, feeling the vibrations in the air before my ears pick them up. As every time before, thunder crashes and rips through the air, followed by the rain. It comes from nowhere and fills the streets instantly, with passersby running, squelching, trying to keep dry to no avail. The rain is too fast, too massive. Nothing escapes it.
I run to the window, feeling the droplets splash against my legs, fighting the gusts of air, the cold and damp. As I manage to click the latches into place, securing my room, I remember…. If you were here, you would do this for me. You would keep me safe from the noise, from the cold. You’d chuckle, while holding me, call me childish, but still, you wouldn’t let go.
If you were here…

… but you’re not.

 

You broke my fucking heart

Filed under: Story — Tasha @ 6:20 PM

You don’t call. You don’t write.
I think: What did I do wrong?
Did I come on too strong?
Didn’t put up a fight?

You broke my fucking heart
Just four days into it
You did the running bit
and tore my hopes apart

Son of a bitch!!!
All day long I wait for you
Hoping that it isn’t true
And that you didn’t ditch

…..

I’m in fucking pain, you dipshit! Why the fuck did you have to do that? Was it fucking fun for you?! Making me flutter inside and then ripping my fucking hopeful heart through my nose?! You stupid, stupid cunt! I fucking hate your fucking player guts! I didn’t expect too much, I reined it in, so I don’t scare you off. And what do you do? You fucking run away!
It was too fucking easy, wasn’t it? I’m not that much of a challenge. I see something I like I don’t pretend. I don’t mindfuck. I say what I want. And where’s the fun in that, am I right? Well fuck you and your kin!
You were too fucking good to be true. And too fucking high and mighty for the likes of a lowly Balkan bitch. Too tall, too sexy, too smart for me. Oh to hell with you. The lot of you. All who came before you and gave me hope and took it away. I hope you feel the way I fucking do right now. I hope somebody burns you as much as you’ve burned me in such a short while.
BUt, it’s my own damn fault, isn’t it? Hoping with somebody I don’t know. My own fault for feeling like I’ve known you forever, like you were as close to ideal as I’ll ever get. Serves me right, right? WRONG, you fucktard! Who gave you the fucking right to do that? Who died and made you High Executioner?

…..

Please come back….

 

A Defense Of Teddy Bears 11/01/2010

Filed under: Story — Tasha @ 11:26 PM

A defense of teddy bears

nothing more to add…

 

Blood Paintings 25/09/2009

Filed under: Story — Tasha @ 9:37 PM

His blood paintings were something to behold. A masterpiece every time. There was much debate about whether the paintings were actually made of blood or just cleverly mixed colors and scents that gave you the feeling of standing in the middle of a meat market. They were raw. They spoke to the animal in you. They gave you a certain primal feeling. The blood paintings were all new art should be: they were scandalous, they were exciting and they made you feel good about being bad.

Andrew took the art world by storm and left just as quickly.

The blood paintings hung in galleries. They changed hands. They caused heated arguments between art critics. But the genius behind them was gone.

———-

A few years later, Andrew resurfaces.

I am hired to work with him. What more can a young starving artist ask for? Even if it is a meaningless job – carrying photo equipment around, it still gives you a chance to be in the presence of greatness, to bask in the limelight.

I hope I will not disappoint. I follow his instructions to the letter.

I hope I will see the new series of blood paintings in the making. But he only does photographs of landscapes. Lens flares, no contrast, monotonous composition. Nothing like the daring artist presented on the blood paintings.

I dream he will share the ingredients he used to make them… and he does.

Human blood.

I am shocked. But that was the purpose of the blood paintings, wasn’t it? To shock? To make you wonder? To dare you to think outside the box? I don’t remember when or why he tells me.

It is the end of our collaboration and I am left with a sickened feeling in the pit of my stomach.

The photographs he created are worthless. He knows it. He disappears from public view again. Nobody knows for how long…

———-

I am haunted by the blood paintings. I stalk from gallery to gallery. I look. I smell. I feel. Human blood. I hope beyond hope that the blood was acquired from willing donors. I know it’s not true. I look at the gallery wall. A display of butchery, pain and sickness. Of course, this is what the gallery owner is aiming for, but he doesn’t know how true it really is. It’s a sick fascination. I can’t look but I can’t look away. It’s so perfect. It’s so wrong.

I need to know.

Why? How many? Who?

 

The Best Book

Filed under: Story — Tasha @ 7:37 PM

A nun smiles at me. It is a warm smile of somebody protected by ignorance of the cruelty in the world. Reading about the evil that men do will never be the same as experiencing it first hand, will it? She sits across from me, reading a book. The Good book. The best book. It is said to have inspired armies of men to commit bloody deeds and yet here it lies, safe and harmless in the hands of a small nun on a train in a stormy night.

I stare at her. Sister… Please, sister, forgive me. Forgive me for everything. She smiles again, a worried look on her face, but continues to read. Oh, sister, give me absolution. Let me fall at your feet and await my punishment. Be my judge and jury, sister, be my family, be my executioner. Your small hand that turns those pages so gently can burn my wretched being.

One so pure, so simple, so safe. Sister, show me what it means to repent. I do repent. I repent for all my wrongdoings. I repent, sister, for all the harm I have caused. I repent for all that I am, sister. Such a forgiving one you are, sister that you should smile upon the likes of me. All those people I have harmed… I seek your council, sister. I pour what little soul I have into your delicate hands. Drown me in holy water, sister. Wash my sins away.

And still she sits there, a small nun on a train in a stormy night. I take the book from her hands, something red smeared across the pages.

Forgive me, sister, for I have sinned…

 

Amaya and the Sea King (part 1) 05/06/2009

Filed under: Story — Tasha @ 10:09 AM

He had it all. Millions upon millions of creatures catering to his every whim, the love and adoration of all his subjects and their respect. Or so they claimed. For, you see, the Sea King wasn’t exactly the nicest ruler the sea world had seen.

He was easily annoyed. He did not take interest in the affairs of the state nor his subjects. Sure he listened to the occasional plea from a starving peasant or a poor single mother, but he never really heard any of it. In truth, the Sea King was very bored.

But, as you can imagine, having such a large kingdom, filled with creatures sucking up to you every day, serving you pretty sparkly lies just to get ahead… Well, it would wear just about anybody out. The constant lying, pettiness and falseness would numb even the most enthusiastic of rulers.

So the whimsical king decided to take a slave… Not that he couldn’t just pick out any of his subjects. He decided he wanted to own one of the creatures from the world above. A human. This creature should, the king decided, keep his interest for a while, until he can think up something better to occupy his time and thoughts.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

As some mothers sometimes do, Carlotta didn’t care much for her youngest children. It was the oldest, her firstborn, Marcus, that she gave all her affection to. His father had been an officer of some sort and a well off one at that. So on the night before going off to war, he proposed marriage to a young greedy barmaid, Carlotta. He promised to wed her as soon as he got back from the war. He never did return.

The officer’s father, a retired, wealthy general, a favorite of the current ruler, of course, as these things go, refused to hear the young barmaid  out. Her stories of an only grandchild did not reach him. He was an old man, he had seen a lot of the world and he could tell a gold digger when he saw one.

The fact that Marcus was indeed the general’s grandson was kept by his mother. She adored the boy, thinking that once he’s grown, he will have his father’s features and the old man will have to come to his senses and give up his fortune to them.

And as these stories often tell us, the world did not take kindly to children being born out of wedlock and Carlotta had to marry. A carpenter. Her ambition wanted a rich husband, but the carpenter was a good soul and he took her in when nobody else would. He promised to provide for her child and care for it as if it were one of his own.

Carlotta gave the carpenter two children. A boy, Seth, a ten year old, so much like his father that it infuriated Carlotta and a girl, aged six, Amaya. Carlotta did not enjoy or, for that matter, even want to give birth so many times. Especially not to the offspring of such a poor man. But the carpenter had been kind to her and certain things were expected of a married woman, and Carlotta was not one to let people talk.

She didn’t like the children. Seth was a small copy of his father, a constant reminder how her oldest, Marcus, never seemed to resemble his own father, thus diminishing her chances of an inheritance. And the small girl was too smart for her own good. She was quiet, but Carlotta always had the feeling that the six year old knew much more than she let on.

This silent hostility did not bother Amaya. Since her father was killed and his shop robbed, she kept to herself, talking only to Seth. They both knew that they were somehow different than Marcus… not just because their mother treated them like dirt. Marcus, who was now fifteen, used to tease Amaya, take away what little toys she had, spill her milk and pull her hair. Seth tried to protect her, but there was little he could do against the growing teenager. So he mostly got punished for annoying their mother’s favorite.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Later, Carlotta would claim that the storm came out of nowhere, that it seemed as if the sea itself rose up to take her little ones, that she tried her best to protect them, that she searched the waters when the storm had ceased, that she cried for days on end for her children, that she suffered terribly. Later, Carlotta would claim a lot of things. That did not necessarily make them true.

Let us take a gander at the events that in fact took place, shall we?

It was true, the storm did come out of nowhere and the sea itself did rise up. But it rose to take just one child. The small boy, Seth.

As a sea king, one has certain powers and certain things have to be done for show. Keeping up appearances is very important to a king. So you can’t just pop up out of the water, bow and say “I’ll be taking your child, madam.” It is just not done like that. Now, if you could concoct a nice little tempest, make it scare the wits out of fishermen and land lovers alike, then you knew the right way to go about things. Merric was a very theatrical king indeed and he could cook up a sudden storm like no other.

He noticed the child playing in the water. Why he was looking at exactly that place, he never knew. But all in all, the boy seemed somehow right. He seemed to be right for the purpose of entertaining the king. His mother had, no doubt, brought him to the beach. He was playing with a girl, smaller than him, and they seemed to be having a jolly time. Shame, really, to interrupt them. But then again, Merric hadn’t got to where he was by minding other people’s feelings.

Making the sea whip around was no problem. It required little effort and produced a lot of amusement for the sea king. He made storms for fun and very often, as hundreds of very unfortunate and very dead sailors knew.

So he did. The wind was strong, the skies went dark the water started splashing around. From afar you would think the storm was quite impressive. But from a closer point of view, I do believe, you would try to get away as soon as possible.

The sea king was quite pleased with himself.

Carlotta never did come after the little ones. Truth be told, she would be happy to be rid of them. She screamed at Marcus to get out of the water and run for cover, but didn’t call out to Seth and Amaya, didn’t tell Marcus to help them out of the water, never tried to do it herself.

Amaya stood up from the water, her puzzled look not lost on her brother. She would sometimes get that look, as if she knew something nobody else did. She looked at Seth and smiled, despite the fury of the storm starting around them. He would be safe. She knew that much.

It all happened rather quickly, but let’s slow down the events so you can understand what took place. The storm raged, a wave lifted and took the small boy under. His sister was left unharmed. The wind swirling around her, she made a quick decision and dived. She always was too smart for her own good.

As the storm blew over, Carlotta looked out to sea, where the two little ones had been playing. No sign of them. Carlotta smirked. It was just too easy. Keeping up appearances was not only important to Merric… Carlotta threw herself on the ground, crying for her lost babies as a few people ran up to her to see what happened. She was never one to let people talk…