Thinking Babies 28/06/2010

“Juno” was not a good choice of movie for tonight. Or the current year. My hormones have been fucking with my skull for an eternity now. I get down to Kraken-scale depths of depression and general idiocy, thinking “I want to have a baby”. Me! Anybody who knows me, knows I don’t like kids much. At least not in the pooping, screaming, barfing, fun-sized exorcist pack. And here I am, my brain filled with hormonal madness, my ancient genetic imperative hammering inside my head “propagate the species! The Humans march on”.

Shit, my dad would have a (third) heart attack if he read this blog post. He thinks that being a mum is something a female person should do at a young age, so she can grow with the baby. Yeah, good one, dad. You’re not the one who ends up with the stretchmarks, sagging tits and a vag the size of an airport hangar. Plus, this growing-with-the-kid shtick… The whole family knows how that one turned out for my nephew…

I know... he's adorable... but he won't be able to tie his shoes...

My OCD, extremely practical nurse of a mum would say that kids should be postponed as much as possible. She had me at 38. Way to push your luck there, mum. Not only does the risk of the kid having Down’s after the age of 36, but hey, you might drop dead before the kid makes it to 18. Thankfully, she didn’t. I hope she never does, or that somebody invents a stasis chamber a bit before she’s suppose to. She has instilled in me the fear of having kids or having kids early, not sure which.

One thing that neither of my parents can be conveniently blamed for is that I think babies are gross. I mean, they’re always sticky. They smell funky most of the time. They can’t tell you what’s wrong if something’s wrong. They just scream at you and you have to guess what they need. They burp and spew and shit and piss constantly. And who cleans them up? You do!

Have you seen the price tag on one of those things?! You could buy a friggin Lamborghini with the cost that these little monsters impose upon you. They need diapers. Loads of diapers. And powder. And cream, so they don’t chafe. And then you have to feed them… well, once you’ve dried up and you can tuck your boobs into your socks. There’s fruity stuff and veggie stuff. But it’s not all good. It must be organic. What the hell is organic anyway? They need bottles and baby monitors and cribs and strollers and those chewy things for when they start teething…

adorable...

And then come the clothes! Oh, good Batman, deliver us from the clothes. It’s evil. Evil in fabric form. I mean, the outfits, they’re so cute. You have to buy tons of them. Have you noticed how anything tiny is almost automatically cute? So you buy a plethora of tiny clothes and shoes and itsy bitsy socks and beanies. And what does the little bundle of joy do to say thanks? It grows out of them! In a matter of months! All that good cash. WHOOSH! Gone! There used to be this awesome tradition, which my mum used to do and my aunt… come to think of it, my whole family and a couple of families connected to ours. One kid grows out of the clothes, you give them to another kid that is the convenient size. Hand-me-downs. At least til the graph of the growth function is at a less steep angle.

I firmly believe, like them or hate them, if you’re gonna have a kid, you should plan ahead. Even if it’s a “happy” accident or something. If you’re having it, have it right. Don’t do a half-ass job of it. No kid signs a request to be born (this is my mum’s one). You’re having it, you take care of it. Or don’t have it. I’m so pro-choice, it’s not even funny. Some people just aren’t meant to be parents. I don’t know if I’m one of those people, but if a condom breaks or I forget to take my pill or I get raped, I want the option of not going through with having a child. And I don’t want some religious, frustrated Jesus freak telling me it’s murder. It isn’t. And even if it is, are you telling me you’ve never squished a mosquito in your whole life? Because it’s about the same, if done early on. Cast the first stone now, bitch! 😛

Ok, I admit, that’s a bit harsh, but hey, it’s sometimes the only way to get a point across. Anyway, back to my original ranting.

there... now it has all the cash

So even if I am one day financially secure enough to be responsible for one more person, how to go about it? Do I find some guy, fall in love, have a baby, stop paying attention to each other, start resenting him, start resenting the kid, turn bitter and repressed, ruin the lives of all three? Do I walk into a sperm bank, ask for certain qualities and have a nice date with a test tube, holding my fingers crossed that it works? Have a one night stand with Studly McStudPants and have his little racers spread his glorious biker DNA all over my lucky little egg cell? Or do I adopt?

I totally forgot where I was going with this, but, PS… Best pay I can hope for is 2.000 euros per month. I just calculated on some weird-ass baby calculator thing that the average cost of raising a kid is about 151.307 euros. But lets round it up to an even 200.000, because you know you’re gonna need presents and field trips and parties and shit… That is 11.200 per year (for 18 years) which is almost 1000 euros per month. How would I pay my rent?!

Why I’m single 16/02/2010

-You know, Denise, that’s why you’re not married. Women act like men. Then they complain men don’t want them.

-Oh, is that why? ‘Cause I thought it was something different. I thought that it was ’cause I deserved the best and he’s out there. He’s just with all the wrong women. And let me be clear. After CENTURIES of men looking at my tits instead of my eyes and pinching my ass instead of shaking my hand, I now have the *DIVINE* right to stare at a man’s BACKSIDE with vulgar, cheap appreciation if I want to.

P.S. I love you (2007)

Once More With Feeling 12/02/2010

-You’re only 1 8 years old, for Christ’s sake!
-Then I’m 1 9, then I’m 20! When does  my life belong to me?

I’m currently 24, closing in on 25 and the last 4 years have gone by unnoticably.

So, one last ditch attemtpt at saving my own life. Good luck and smooth sailing, me.

StarTrek: Comments&Rants 08/02/2010

1. Teehee *giggle*. Cameron is Kirk’s mom. I find that funny. Also, I’ve never liked blond Cameron much.
2. No matter the time and technological advances made, hardhats and hospital gowns remain the same even as humanity is half way across the galaxy.
3. On that note: You’d think that someone along the 300 or so years from now would have thought to come up with a fully automated wheelchair, so you don’t need some dude pushing you around. Guess not.
4. Hellz yeah for Eric Bana’s make-up. I would have never thought that was him.
5. Nice to see that Nokia survives all to bring us that annoying ringtone even in the future.
6. Now, James T. makin’ it with a green lady, that’s something which is often made fun of and I’m so glad they chucked that one in there. Mind you, if you look at the shot of the graduating class, there’s only one green person.
7. WTH is up with the red jumpsuits? Conspicuous much? If I remember Wesley Crusher at all, he never wore a bright red uniform. I don’t think he ever wore a bright red anything, but I mean in school. Never saw red uniforms.
8. I’m confused. Is Uhura a language expert or some sort of radar/sonar expert? If she’s a languages expert, why do they need her? There’s that universal translator thingy. Surely that has some use. And the sonar radar thing… In space, no-one can hear you blip 🙂 Dunno where I was going with this, but would somebody explain what she does?
9. Apparently the Enterprise is the TARDIS. It’s bigger on the inside and has no space restrictions what so ever. Did you notice all the piping? Notice the space between the pipes? That’s a whole lot of unused space and as any half-decent engineer would tell you: you don’t waste space. You try for the smallest, lightest, cheapest way to build something. You don’t leave two meter gaps between tubes, for frak sake!
   
10. Bones is a bit trigger-happy with that syringe, isn’t he? In a time period of about 3 minutes (which I think is about 40 minutes on the ship) he stabs ol’ Jim a total of four times. Not that I don’t enjoy Kirk’s pain/discomfort…
11. Is the Romulan ship coming out of Suron’s eye?
12. What is up with the lens flare? Does that give the appearance of cleanliness to the ship? Every 20 seconds or so, there’s a lens flare over the screen. It might be shoddy camera work, but I think it’s on purpose. Erm… why?
13. Also, is that how people are made first officer? Just by being there? And saying “My dad died in a storm in space”?
14. Crew member who is not on the regular cast goes down with regular cast. Wears red. Guess what happens to him… And of course, he had the explosives they need. Which you couldn’t tell by the unspectacular grilling of said crew member. Makes you think… how do these people make it through basic training?
15. Ooh! Ooh! Anybody else love Sulu’s blade? When he said fencing, I thought “Really? Pansy fencing?” but it’s totally cool. And he fixes his helmet hair before the fight. Yay!
16. Ya kno… Just because you were born in Leningrad… Does anybody else hate Anton Yelchin’s accent? I know many Slavic people. I even know a few Russians. I have never in my life heard an accent that thick. Though the softness of his t’s is extremely cute.
17. How do you beam up ten thousand people in several minutes? Especially without Scotty. Mind you, I think it might have been slightly easier with Vulcans, since there’s no logic in panicking and running around, they would just stay where they were, which would make them easier to locate and beam up.
18. Even in space, Uhura can get black nail polish 🙂
19. To quote Simon Pegg’s fansite: “This odd-numbered Star Trek won’t be shit with Simon playing Scotty.” and I tend to agree. Simon lends the much needed comic relief to the otherwise gloomy StarTrek.
    

    this must be underwater love... 🙂

20. Is it just me or is the pipe-traveling-Scotty sequence a bit reminiscent of the Jetsons? And how does he make those 90° turns without damaging his spine?
21. Jim’s about 25 years old, Bones is around 30, Scotty’s in the 40s, Chekov is 17. Does Star Fleet Academy have no age restriction or time frame for finishing?
22. Why does the Romulan ship guns that can fire on the inside of the ship? Aren’t they afraid they might hit something important that’s theirs?  And why so many platforms, but no railing? Are Romulans immune to gravity, so they won’t slip and fall by accident? Maybe it’s some kind of selection process: If you can’t jump from  platform to platform, then you don’t deserve to live, you inept tattooed pansy. I’m surprised Spartans didn’t practice something similar…
23. How epic was it when the Enterprise just swoops out of nowhere and the dogfight starts? Soundtrack commendations on that one. Hats off to master Michael Giacchino.
24. Think Leonard Nimoy ever thought his character would be this famous? Or this awesome? Or that he’d still be playing it some 40 years later? Spock’s got some staying power. Gotta give him that 🙂
25. I think it’s funny when Jim comes up to admiral Pike and says “I relieve you, sir”. I imagine that line is said by health care workers, holding variously shaped bowls and pots in which a patient can be relieved. I realize this might only be funny to me.

To end, some quotes:

“One tiny crack in the hull and our blood boils in thirteen seconds. Solar flare might crop up, cook us in our seats. And wait till you’re sitting pretty with a case of Andorian shingles, see if you’re so relaxed when your eyeballs are bleeding. Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence.” – Leonard “Bones” McCoy (he sounds like me in a moving vehicle)

“So, the Enterprise has had its maiden voyage, has it? She is one well-endowed lady. I’d like to get my hands on her “ample nacelles,” if you pardon the engineering parlance…” – Montgomery “Scotty” Scott

“However, if crew morale is better served by my roaming the halls weeping, I will gladly defer to your medical expertise.” – Spock

Never has the inflection of this phrase been more sarcastic ❤

Disclaimer: images property of Paramount Pictures, Spyglass Entertainment, Bad Robot and MavroCine

StarTrek:Shipping

So I watched it yesterday… And… Um… *stands up in front of people*

“My name is Tash and I’m a Uhura/Spock shipper!”

Oh, get over it! I’ve been waiting for Spock to get his freak on since I first watched StarTrek. So if it’s with a glorified receptionist, so what! Ok, so Zachary Quinto scares me a bit. Must be the whole Sylar thing. But the man does a good Spock. Gotta give him that one. I would have liked to see me some more Spock nookie, but hey, I’ll takes ’em any way I can gets ’em. Hope lies in the sequels and the screenwriter’s wish to comply with fanservice (also known as the screenwriter’s wish not to be trampled by rabid fangirls).

image property of Paramount Pictures, Spyglass Entertainment, Bad Robot and MavroCine

All the other comments will be in another post.

Tic… Tic… Tic… BOOM! 24/01/2010

Shall be off shortly 🙂

About The Previous Year 22/11/2009

Happy birthday to me. I’m now 24 years old. I’d like to make a list of the things I’ve done in the previous year.

-Been to Prague

-Been to Graz

-Been to Trieste

-Took two tours of the natural beauties of Slovenia, once in the summer, once in the autumn/winter

-Took three tours of Ljubljana

-Discovered shop with ice cream floating in chocolate

-Been to Amsterdam

-Been to Utrecht

-Collaborated with an international team on a medically funded development project

-Learned to make brownies (it’s all in the type of flour you use)

-Made the ultimate travel playlist, mostly due to best friend’s help

-Met my little cousin from Boston, found out she’s awesome

-Gained about 10kg

-Fell in love with Transmetropolitan

-Enrolled into fifth year on no merit what so ever

 

And that’s it. All in all, not too shabby for a girl who barely leaves the house, I think.

About what I want pt.2 06/09/2009

I can’t believe I forgot this yesterday (or earlier today)

So many wonderful ideas, so little time

I want to read.
Read loads of books. Classics. Like Shakespeare and Wordsworth and Lorca and Mayakovsky. Pull out quotes and write them down in a notebook and keep it with me forever. Have the words of great men trapped in paper and carry it with me, so when I need an inspiring thought, I can reach for it and it will be there. It won’t be my own thoughts, I know that. And I mostly don’t grasp literature the way people who truly appreciate it do, but I would like to try.

About what I want pt.1

Well, not with this headgear, obviously

I want to finish school. Ok, so it’s not gonna happen this year. I’ve made my peace with that. Well, no. I haven’t. But I’ve made as much peace as my personality allows. So, it’s gonna be another year or two til I’m done. The probability of me getting a job I would want goes down by some 75%… OH DEAR SWEET CHRIST WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?! No, no. No panicking, for Tesla’s sake. So, I want to finish school with an acceptable GPA (which, in my books would be about 8, if at all possible).

I want a better GPA
Here’s a list of subjects I still need to pass:
01. Math 2
02. Economics
03. Methods of numerical modeling
04. Machine elements 1
05. Dynamics
06. Machine elements 2
07. Dynamics of machines
08. Production planning and execution
09. Technical cybernetics
10. Production technology
11. Heat transfer
12. Random occurrences (statistics)
13. Automatization
14. Mechatronics systems 1
15. Mechatronics systems 2
16. Microcontroller systems 1
17. Microcontroller systems 2
18. Laser systems
19. FMS&CIM systems 1 (I have no idea in hell what those letters stand for)
20. FMS&CIM systems 2

This is a list of exams that I already have:
01. Statics and kinematics
02. Electro…ummm… No idea how to translate that, but trust me, I have it
03. Materials
04. Math 1
05. Technical drawing
06. Physics
07. Chemistry
08. Material resistance
09. Numerical methods (this is some oldschool programming in Fortran)
10. Thermodynamics
11. Fluid mechanics
12. Experimental methods (it’s actually not as sinister (or interesting) as it sounds)
13. Material resistance 2
14. English
15. Design methodology
16. Seminar 1 (like a really extensive paper on some topic)
17. Seminar 2 (even more extensive)

Yes, it is quite an extensive list. But please note the bold section. These are the ones I have a good grade (that is one that is more than or equal to 8). That means I have exactly 7 grades that make my GPA good and 10 grades that make it SUCK ASS! Oh, and also, I have 20 exams to make it right. So that is what I would like to do.

I want to pass a French and German test.
I’ve studied French in school and I was fuckawesome at it. I studied a bit of German and I was pretty decent at it. Now I can’t speak a word of French, unless it’s to ask for a baguette. And that to me is a fail of cataclysmic proportions. So I would like to refresh my French, get those mad skillZ back and pass at least one of the two DALF tests for French and I would like to learn more German and get at least a professional language certificate.

I want to learn new languages.
Arabic, Breton, Gaelic, Spanish, some Scandinavian language, Russian, Italian, Greek, Latin, basic Slavic languages, Esperanto… Some of these, on a purely conversational level.

Either a good engineer or a mad scientist, whichever comes first really

I want to learn to code.
Have a friend, Sasha (or Jazzva). He’s awesome at programming. He may not actually be that awesome. He might be just very advanced, but still normal at programming. Compared to my crippled hit-in-head-by-brick-repeatedly approach to coding, he is God. And I would like to do it better than him. Java or some crap. Doesn’t matter. I’d just like to be really good at it. Amazingly speedy, with witty solutions to problems, spending hours just typing endless lines of code that when compiled give out something seriously spectacular. More spectacular than a calculator. Which I still can’t make in NetBeans…

I want to fix a car.
I’m a mechanical engineer, for crying out loud. I should be able to change a tire. Or know where the oil goes. Or know where the water goes. Or know what makes the car run and the gears shift and stuff like that. But, of course, being me, I don’t know diddly squat! So I’d like to spend some time, elbow-high in motor oil, in overalls, surrounded by wrenches and cans and pumps and screwdriver and all that other crap that makes engineering so awesome.

I want to make circuit boards.
Have Eagle, will travel. But seriously. I wanna know how all those little components work, how much power they need to run, what kind of chip I need to use, what kind of resistor, what switch. And how to program the whole thing to do exactly what I want it to do. And then make a PCB in Eagle and just let the machining tool do the rest. How cool would that be? (well, obviously, this seriously depends on your definition of cool)

I want to learn how to cook.
Apparently, when I start cooking, it turns out well. So I would like to have a few dishes in my head that I can easily whip up whenever the occasion calls for it. Hey, I don’t know, I might be entertaining dinner guests or something, you never know. I might need to impress somebody. And cooking always seems to work. “OMIGOSH! U COOK!” and then you shrug and smile and nod and say “Yeah, I dabble a bit here and there”. Play it all casual like and completely ignore the fact that you’ve almost burnt down the entire kitchen along with your neighbor’s cat.

I want to lose weight.
Nobody’s more surprised than I that this comes in so late in the “conversation”. I mean, I drone on and on how I look, and how terrible it is and oh, poor, woe is little ol’ me. And I never do anything about it. Well, I’d like to. (again, surprised by the shortness of this section.

Here represented are two things: cute men and alcohol

I want to have (un)healthy amounts of fun.
I want to spend the rest of my non-adult life (so, til I’m 30) getting drunk, partying like it’s 1699 and chasing (and eventually catching) cute guys. I wanna get over this friggin stupid self-imposed slump I’m in and use up the remainder of my youth accordingly, before I have to have sensible shoes and smile at my boss’ lame jokes. I want to go nuts. Dance. Hike. Stay out late. Live outside my head for once. It’s nice to imagine. It’s nice to read. But it’s more fun to just go out there and give it a go. Well, I don’t really know if it is or isn’t, but people say it’s all the rage.

I want to be more active in BEST.
Board of European Students of Technology (BEST for short) is tons of fun with people who are in the same crap you’re in. Their tag line is “Work hard, party harder!”. I think this is connected to the section right above and the image to the right. But it also lets you meet tons of interesting (and inebriated) people, do crazy things together with these people (mostly on international evenings and pub crawls) and it makes for one hell of a CV entry. And when I say “more” active, I mean “at all” since I haven’t been to a meeting in a year. And it’s a shame, since it’s fun.

I want to join IAESTE.
which is kinda like BEST, but more work related. Again, a CV can never ever be too full.

And that’s about it for this entry. I’m sure there’s more stuff, but I’m also sure it’ 4.38AM and I should really get some sleep before mum comes in, sees me at the laptop and kills me. Because then I’ll never get to do any of the stuff on this list… Or make another list 🙂

About penis-o-phobia 02/09/2009

Yes, I have it. Terrible, crippling disease it is, I have to tell you. It makes one run away from the prospect of getting some. I don’t know what to do with the bloody thing. Plus it smells kinda funny. And it’s so damn fidgety. If it cold, it won’t play. If the guy is upset, no go. If the guy is anxious, no dice. Well, bugger it. Who the hell can stand that sort of temperament?

Oh, come on, it's funny!

I have been cursed infinitely by dentists across my home town for not being able to open my mouth wider. And that’s just to fit two fingers in. Every orthodontist has an imprint of my teeth on at least one hand, for trying to wrestle a cast of my teeth out of my mouth. Two, three fingers. Often female, so not that big really. So what would I do with some guy’s pride and joy?
Plus, I have one hell of a gag reflex.
Holding it is not an option either. Is it too hard? Is it too light? Is it too fast? I don’t know sod all about it. I mean, how do you learn these things? 1001 ways of achieving orgasm in Cosmo, but how to give a hand job, not one sodding article. Couldn’t somebody do a workshop? “Pump it – the comprehensive course on hand jobs”… I’d go. I know guys who’d want to be the guinea pigs for this sort of practice.
And the hair! Don’t get me started on the hair. For the love of Sasquatch, get a friggin shave! Or at least a trim. And have a nice wash while you’re at it. If I want bacteria rich protein, I’ll have some yogurt. Smegma is NOT an option!